Saturday, May 31, 2014

Marriage: God's Faithfulness & My Selfishness

So, I'm not gonna lie y'all, the past few days have been tough.  It turns out that I'm still a selfish sinner.  Go figure, right?  It's funny how desperately I need to be reminded of this at times.  It's quite impressive when even in the midst of being so so tremendously blessed I still find a way to be discontented, to say, "What I have is not enough.".  Ugh, how it disgusts me to admit this. Even more disgusting is being confronted with how I still desire to put my interests and passions before Jon's.

I know we're only eight months into marriage with him being deployed over half of it, so we are by no means supposed to be experts.  However, I am convinced of this:  marriage means loving your spouse more than yourself, and loving them unconditionally...a beautiful picture of the Gospel.  Wow, how much more easily this is said than lived out in my everyday.  How much easier it is to focus on how others could change to benefit me, instead of me changing to become more selfless. I hope I'm not alone here.

As I push to plan my life the way I think it should  look, I fall into the trap of selfishness and control.  Praise Jesus I have a husband who sets a beautiful example for me of what it means to desire God's will for his life rather than his own.  I am so humbled by it.  One thing I feel so blessed by is God's faithfulness to reveal my selfishness to me.  Although the realization that I can be more selfish than I ever thought possible doesn't exactly feel good, the sense of God's nearness and faithfulness to mold me into His image for His glory sure does.  While confronting, it is so cool to navigate this journey with Jon as we identify his passions, my passions, and God's passions; surrendering our own and receiving a new heart for His.


  1. As always, I can relate so much to this! I have felt convicted so many times, for my selfishness, covetousness, and discontentment-- it's disgusting for me to see how I behave sometimes when I've been blessed with so much! I'm so happy for you, friend, that through your marriage The Gospel is revealed more to you : ) what a precious gift that is!

  2. I'm also learning this about myself right now, and it's so hard. Thank you for your honesty!

  3. This is such a beautiful post! I am with you. I need to be often reminded of the blessings that God has given me. He's brought me out of the darkness and has redeemed my soul. Nothing can take the place of that!
    Thanks so much for sharing your heart. :)